Life in...the Homeland

I have been back home, in Olympia, for a little over twenty-four hours and I can already tell that this is going to be one heck of a summer. Not forty-five minutes after my mom and I came to a stop in our driveway, I was already off to visit two of my lovely ladies. Spend my first night at home in my own bed? Nah. Not when I can be on an air-mattress on the floor of my best friend's house. :)

Fun Fact #1: Kirsten, afore-mentioned friend of mine, is constantly injuring herself. To the point where we all know something disastrous is bound to happen when we are un-graced by her presence. Last night? She managed to jam her elbow into the back support of a chair, stuck tightly until her mom freed her. Later that night? She decided to blow up the insta-bed I was sleeping on (with a built in air pump), and upon finishing, drop it directly on top of her foot. When Olivia and I woke up this morning, we were the only ones in the living room because she had gone to get x-rays. Just...see below. I think you'll get the idea. We love her.

Anyways, I spent the majority of today running wedding errands with this lovely bride-to-be. We stocked up on some hair products, shopped for the perfect pair of heels for the wedding party, and worked with settings for her ring. It's weird to see all of these things finally coming together, and thinking about the wedding only four months down the road. She's more than ready and confident though, and it's been a beautiful thing to witness.

In exciting news of the life of Masey Kole: notta. I have crates, boxes, and suitcases galore in my room that need unpacking. I've started my cat and dish duties up, once again. I'm thinking about maybe thinking about promising myself to work out again on the regs. Maybe. And, meanwhile, I'm running around like a crazy person trying to find some sort of employment. Jobs are.....jewels. I will find mine. Eventually.

Fun fact #2: I just want to let all of blog land know that I drove almost 1/5 of the way home from San Diego. As in, on a freeway, going over 60 mph, in increments greater than 45 minutes. I thought this might prove to my mom that I could one day make the journey alone, but....not so much. Baby steps, friends, baby steps.

Today and Every Day

Today, my parents celebrate the 20th anniversary of their wedding day! Even though, I must admit, any public displays of affection may still make me cringe, or else sigh with a little embarrassment, I am thankful that my parents are still affectionate with each other. I am thankful that for the nearly nineteen years that I lived at home, I witnessed a husband and a wife who actively cared for one another; who stayed faithful to their vows of "for better or for worse"; who compromised their individuality for the sake of our family; and who were able to laugh with (or often at) each other through every circumstance. I am thankful for such a picture of a marriage in my parents. Without the health of their relationship, I doubt that I could be successful in my own experiences with dating or, eventually, as a spouse. So, parents, here's to a celebration of your ongoing love for one another, today and every day.

Worth a 1,000 Words

The first day of college...

...and the last day that I will ever be a freshman...

:)

In Mountain Highs and Valley Lows

August 20th, 2010:
Jesus, I feel so far from you. And yet, as I see more and more of this fallen world, the more I become convicted of your truth.
Psalm 71:18 "So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those who come."
I think that the devil uses different tricks with people to stray them from the truth and for me it has been self-sufficiency. I believe that I can do everything on my own and that I don't have to trust anyone or anything else. I try to look perfect and put together. All of my material needs are provided for, so I don't have to practice faith. And then I become extremely bitter and jealous when someone beats me at my own race.
The Psalms are all about crying to God from a hopeless situation for His righteousness. Don't we face this every day? It is the poor, needy, and oppressed that receive His aid. We must admit this.

October 29th, 2010:
Last night I had an awful nightmare. One where I was trapped from an inescapable murderer. I remember thinking: this is what hell is really like. Not just furnaces and a little frustration, but complete and utter hopelessness. And then I prayed. In my dream. For the first time in a very, very long time. To a God I'm not even confident still existed.
And then I woke up.

January 8th, 2011:
I am HAPPY! Genuinely happy. Joyous, rather. Which is odd, because this day a year ago was probably one of the worst days of my life. AND I'm on the plane to San Diego, leaving Olympia for a much harder situation. Also, I'm away from the people closest to me. So, really, I have no real reason to be joyous. But I am! I know now that in any season, God is still God, and I am still not. He knows (because He created) the deepest desires of my heart and He will satisfy with only good things. Praise Him, praise Him, praise Him! I could write forever of His love and grace. I am a sinner. So is everyone on this earth. If justice were executed, we'd all deserve hell. But there He is. How can I even love you back?
PS...Jesus, don't let me give up on you. Not at the first sign of despair. Give me trust for Your ways and not my own. A sincere heart.

January 25th, 2011:
I gave my heart and life fully over to Christ. What a beautiful, heartbreaking, and terrific moment!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 2:5-6

April 13th, 2011:
Matthew 9:21-22 says: "for she said to herself, 'If I only touch His garment, I will be made well.' Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, 'Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.' And instantly the woman was made well."
Where should I go, and what should I do, except live by this faith that you will rescue. Purge me from this, Lord, with fire that consumes me from You. I have found no other way. I am in a deep, dark hole. I just don't know anymore--You must lead.

In our last covenant group (hall Bible study) tonight, we finished the last chapter of Crazy Love. And then, our faithful leader Anne asked us to reflect on how we have seen God move in our lives through the ups and downs of the year. Most everyone shared some of their own defining moments, and how they could sense the presence of God at work in their lives. However, I was sort of silenced by my own reflections. This year has been such a roller coaster that it is hard for me to define under a single heading, or even a significant event. The entries above are random spurts of the notebook that I keep in my desk. As I read through my journaling of the past eight months, I was struck by themes that I hadn't seemed to notice before: fear of letting go of comfortable and controlled environments, the freedom in faith, and the consistency of God.

On a more external note: I had a great time with my brother during Easter, and then hanging out with Lindsay for six days. With both, we saw lots of the sand and sun, and were able to spend quality time together. Amidst their visits, I have been absolutely bombarded with work, and last week I had more than a few meltdowns over Computer Science. Oh, and I got my first C on a math test. More melting down.

God is still God. I don't have anything else profound to say.